You thought that was it, that I was
done bopping my brothers upside the head? Hahahahahaaha! No. We’ve
talked about how we’re supposed to love our wives like Christ loved the church.
That means I put her needs before my own, up to and including being willing to
die for her. That means, practically speaking, that I love her as described in 1 Cor. 13.
But today we’re going to talk about
another huge aspect of our responsibility, one which is frequently overlooked.
A lot of guys who study the Bible are (hopefully) familiar with Paul’s command
to love our wives, be willing to die for her, etc. But Paul’s instructions to
husbands don’t stop at verse 25. He says that Jesus loved the church and gave
himself up for her for a reason. He had a purpose in mind. What was it?
He did this “to make her holy,
cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to
himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but
holy and blameless.”
·
He did this to make her holy. Remember that
“holy” means to be “set apart,” or “different.” We are different from the rest of humanity, and we need to act like it.
·
He did this by cleansing her. He did this
through “by the washing with water.” This isn’t referring to physical water baptism,
since the last part of the phrase qualifies the “washing” as being “through the
word.” There’s no indication in
Scripture that the physical act of baptism cleanses us from anything. Strictly
speaking, it’s the blood of Christ which cleanses
us, and he also uses his word to lead us to confession and repentance,
so in that sense his word “cleanses” us as well. The point is that his love
leads to his cleansing us.
·
He did this with her ultimate beautiful perfection
in mind. In
talking about Christ’s purpose in his love, Paul says that our Lord did all
this “to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle
or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” I’ve made this point before, but it’s too
beautiful and poignant not to repeat it. Right now, as a practical matter, the
church is far from perfect. There’s plenty of schism, back-biting,
unrighteousness, greed, self-serving, individualism, and a whole host of other stains,
wrinkles, and blemishes. But our Lord Jesus sees her very differently, and one
day we’ll see what he sees. On that grand and glorious Day
when she’s led down the aisle towards her Bridegroom, she'll only have eyes
for him. All the glories of Heaven will pale beside him. But here’s something
Psalm 45 tells us: On that Day, he will only have eyes for her.
Remember, I’m a practical
theologian, trying to imitate Paul here. Keep this in mind: Christ’s love for the church should be the
pattern for our love for our wives. Not just in the sense of sacrificing
ourselves for them. No, his love for us is a purifying love. As someone once put it to me, Jesus loves me just
as I am, but he also loves me too much to leave me that way.
Let’s see how this applies in marriage. In
short, Gentlemen, you're the spiritual leader of your home. That’s a given.
You’re the leader, whether you know it or not, whether you admit it or not,
whether you want it or not, and whether you act on it or not. The question is
not “Are you the spiritual leader of your home?” The question is “Are you a
good leader, or a bad one?”
Your home needs to be a place where
God’s word is read on a regular basis because you initiate it. Your house
needs to be a house of prayer because you regularly lead your family
members in prayer. The members of your household need to do things
God’s way because you provide the example and make sure everyone else does it.
Yes, your wife needs to be a Bible-reader and pray-er, and it’s wonderful if
she initiates those things. But you're
the leader on this. If you don’t lead, then your home will be spiritually
crippled at best.
Let me make one
more point on this, on the topic of being a leader. If you're the spiritual
leader and regularly show Christ-like love to her, then you probably won’t need
to worry about her submitting to you. As someone once put it to me, when the
husband is doing what he’s supposed to be doing, then it should be a joy
to submit to him. If she’s a godly woman, it will be.
Time for some frankness here. Do I
do this all the time? Am I where I need to be as the spiritual leader in my
home? I wish I could say that. I can’t. But as I’ve said before in other
contexts, I’m not what I need to be,
but thank the Lord I’m not what I once
was, and I’m not what I one day will
be. Will you join me in this challenge, in striving towards what we’re called
to be? Are you man enough?
Lord Jesus, your standards are so high,
and I fall so far short. The longer I’m with you, the more I realize how far
short I fall. By your grace, I want to be the leader in my home that I’m
supposed to be. Please.
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